Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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