i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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