physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
