I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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