I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
