We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
