Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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