you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
