Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
