I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
