its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
