You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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