Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
as a side note pls kill me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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