hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
