Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
