Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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