Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
