a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
