Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
