So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
