I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
