is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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