Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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