omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
