I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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