drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Houston, we have a blender
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's blow job season.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
