I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
