She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
