Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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