you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
