if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
