Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
