I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
