she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
