we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
