Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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