I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
