Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
