just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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