The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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