I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
