but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
