my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
this boner is exhausting
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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