I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
