I'm gonna have a badass scar
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
