New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
