His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
