Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
