my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
