like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
